Someone Gets It!

I just need to express my gratitude for those random people who cross your path and remind you that we are all connected and no one should ever feel alone in their struggles. It’s so rare and refreshing when you find evidence of prior travelers on the path you’re stumbling along.

We need to stop considering mental illnesses as negative aspects to who we are. God designed each one of us as perfect for His plans and purpose. We should embrace it as one of the qualities that makes us unique and special and beautiful in God’s eyes. That just gave me a thought… maybe we should just start suggesting to kids these days that “crazy” is the new “cool.”

Okay, I’m getting sidetracked here. My whole reason for this post is to share my appreciation for a fellow blogger Revenge of Eve. This poetry spoke to me like it was written specifically for that purpose, for me. Be amazed….

via I Get It

Goodbye, old friend

Goodbye, old friend

I’m moving on

This is harder than I thought it’d be

You’ve always been there to lift me up

The only constant I’ve had in my life

At least for the past ten years that is

You introduced me to a world I would’ve never known

So completely outside my comfort zone

You gave me an endless supply of “friends”

And taught me some things I needed to know

The hard way, of course… in order to grow

Without you, I never would’ve found my voice

I’d still be a doormat, afraid to stand on my choice

I must’ve been so naive when we met

They descended upon me like prey, I bet

I was forced to learn a whole new kind of language

And taught to stay on point and aware of my things

Survival mode, everyone out for themselves

Always watch your back, because nobody else will

We’ve had our fun, don’t get me wrong

The breakfast delivery route is sadly long gone

I’ve been putting you first for the longest time

But the stakes are too high for me at this point

So I’m walking away

Not looking back

Scared as hell

But the time has come

I’ll miss you, old friend

Goodbye forever… and ever.

Amen!

Lost words

The words used to flow so freely from my mind and through my hands onto the page. After the chemo, the medication, the illicit drugs, and the health conditions that have all affected my memory, my concentration, and the speed of thought, it has become such a struggle to write anymore. It takes forever to find the that perfect word I have on the tip of my tongue and I remember a day when 10 page papers were a breeze to me. It’s painful when your passion becomes a difficult reminder of how much your brain has changed over the past 20 years or so. I have so many thoughts spinning around up there but focusing enough to get them down on paper is a serious chore. Writing used to be a release for me, a therapy session with myself. Now I find myself getting frustrated because I can’t find the ‘right’ words to express what I’m trying to say.

What do you do when your passion has become a painful process for you?

Perception

Sometimes you just need to talk to a 3-year-old so you can understand life again…

Hope

Hope is what happens when you first see a light,
Just a distant, small star in the darkest of night.

Hope is what happens with the first buds of spring,
When dawn touches the sky or a bird spreads its wings.

Hope is what happens when a wound starts to heal,
Whether skin deep or soul deep, you begin to feel real.

Hope is what happens when you’re poor but not broken.
There’s a goldmine of dreams still yet to be awakened.

Hope is what happens when someone is kind,
A feeling not lost, just misplaced in your mind.

Hope is what happens when war turns to peace,
After everyone prayed that the fighting would cease.

Hope is what happens with the smell of fresh rain,
When your long drought of dreams is renewed yet again.

Hope is what happens when clouds finally clear.
Troubled thunder falls silent, courageous whispers you hear.

Hope is what happens when fresh bread is baking,
And what hungers your heart will someday stop aching.

Hope is what happens when kindling ignites.
You rediscover your passion that burns day and night.

Hope is what happens when the pain eases a bit,
And deep down inside, you find your true grit.

Hope is what happens as long as we breathe,
For although it takes time, the sorrow will leave.

Hope is what happens long after the pain…

Hope is what happens, again and again…

~ Catherine DeVrye

Notorious

“You wanted to disappear – but you made yourself notorious.”

The more I try to blend in and go unnoticed, the more I seem to stand out even in the biggest of crowds! Why does it feel like everyone is staring at me? Is it just my anxiety or am I being checked out or sized up by everyone in the room? Sometimes I believe my life would be so much simpler if I was stupid and ugly. Instead, I’m stuck having to duck and dodge the superficial and always be on guard for the possible stalker. It’s as if these men descend on me like prey and I must discern who has what kind of intentions with me. I have honestly had to deal with being stalked for most of my life adult life. I don’t understand it. But thank God, I was blessed with a super power that has always protected me. Wanna know what it is?

I listen to my intuition. It’s probably the only time I don’t hesitate for a second if I’m told to take action. I’ve been blessed with knowledge that I must keep to myself because I know it doesn’t make a single bit of sense. My friends already know I’m a little different so I don’t need to add any fuel to the “crazy” fire. My satisfaction comes when all the puzzle pieces start fitting together and my intuition wins once again. In 38 years, its never failed me. There are times when I wish I could turn it off so I wouldn’t be constantly reading a person while I’m interacting with them. I dissect the conversation as I connect their movements, small or large, to assign meaning through every aspect of the language used, whether spoken or body.

See, just that makes someone go, “what?” I don’t usually talk about this but I figured it fit with the addition of a new bonafide stalker to my life. I go to meetings for a 12-step program which shouldn’t be a secret to anyone. I met this guy at a meeting and he used the crazy card to get my attention. We started talking and I gave him a couple rides after the meetings. Now he’s involving other members to tell him when I’m at a meeting. So far I haven’t run into him but I know I will eventually. Handling these situations is a delicate process that I’ve had to use on a number of occasions.

  • Don’t try to avoid them. Let them come to you and they will.
  • Come up with a reason why you blocked their number. My go-to excuse is that “I started seeing someone and I didn’t feel right talking with guy friends that are as close as we have gotten.”
  • Apologize for cutting them out of your life so abruptly.
  • Assure them that you still have their number and if things don’t work out with the other guy, he’ll get a call.
  • Stand your ground and don’t communicate with them no matter what.

This is just one scenario that keeps them at a distance hopefully. I have tons more if that one doesn’t work. It’s somewhat of a positive art form that I’ve created out of something so clearly negative. So I’ll just keep failing at my efforts to blend in and I pray that everyone is happy and safe this evening…