All In

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don’t want to be stuck in bed doing nothing while life just passes me by. This whole “living” thing isn’t meant to be a spectator sport. It’s about experiencing every encounter, the good and bad. I’ve made a decision that I WILL NOT HALF-ASS MY LIFE NO MATTER WHAT!

I guess you could say that I’m “all in” because what’s life without taking risks? I know for a fact that history wasn’t made by people who played it safe. I could lose it all and it wouldn’t matter. Things can be replaced. I’m more interested in a thrill at this point. I don’t expect to live forever or even make it through my 40’s so I’d rather jump headfirst into the unknown than hang around in the shallow end where you can drown just as easily.

I may be crazy. I may be delusional. I may be sick of people placing labels on everyone just because they’re different. I may just happen to be myself and that should be good enough for the world. It is for me. I am who I am and I’ll never be anything else. I kinda dig her actually. You should meet her sometime. It’ll be fun. I promise.

Giving the Glory to God

It’s days like today that make me appreciate the life shattering experiences I’ve faced and reassure me that God has a plan to turn my pain and suffering into something beautiful.

Today I met up with a representative of UFCW International which I found out to be a union that advocates for better working conditions in a number of different industries. The really interesting part is what happened leading up to this meeting….

I got a voicemail message from a man that obviously called the wrong number because my name isn’t Irene and I had no idea what he was talking about. Usually I delete voicemails right after I’ve listened to them but for some reason I kept this one in my inbox. Almost a week later, I came across the message again and actually listened to what was being said this time. After a few more playbacks, my curiosity took over and I decided to call the man back. Without going into too much detail, the man explained to me that there was an issue involving WalMart and the number of calls that the City receives requiring the police department to respond and use its resources to detain shoplifters. I asked a few questions and then he asked me if I would attend a City Council meeting the next day to support the union’s concerns.

I still have no clue what possessed me to agree and then actually show up to the meeting when I’ve never even entered the Courthouse of the City I’ve spent most of my life in. I sat through the meeting and soaked in as much information as I could about the topics addressed and how the meeting was structured. This was how I originally met Anahi and made plans to connect up for coffee later in the week. Which brings me to our present day where I began this story.

We spent about an hour discussing the issue while exchanging information, questions, ideas, etc. After all the business stuff that I won’t bore you with, we just got to know each other a little better and exchanged life stories. Needless to say, my story takes a bit longer to get through than anyone else so I try to condense it down as much as possible but when you mention Cancer, it’s hard not to explain the parts that make it so extraordinary.

This is where I have to stop and acknowledge the undeniable presence of God in every part of this totally random occurrence that still baffles me. I don’t believe in coincidences so I know God planned every detail of this experience for a reason making nothing about it random or minuscule.

Whenever I’m in a situation that calls for me to share the defining aspects of my life, I always make sure to give all the glory of my story to God. I make it clear that I’m merely a vessel to serve Him and His ultimate plan for me. We must always remember to praise God when speaking about the moments in our life that make us who we are. If it weren’t for Him handcrafting each one of us, we wouldn’t even have this life or anything to tell. Right?

It’d been a seriously long time since I had the opportunity to share my story with a perfect stranger or anyone really. When I finished, she just stared at me with this look of disbelief and said, “You are such a strong person.” I didn’t realize how desperately I needed to hear that today when I’ve been struggling to overcome weaknesses and feelings of fear that have been holding me back for awhile now. I never know how to respond when someone points out the strength they see in me. It kinda makes me a little uncomfortable really. The most I’m ever able to muster up is, “Umm… thank you.” So I just Give the Glory to God because in Him is where I find my strength.

Gambling Enigma

What am I getting myself into? I must be completely insane. I don’t want to win. This isn’t a game. I don’t gamble. I just know what my heart has whispered. Now it’s screaming at me. I can’t ignore it now. Not like I ever tried to. So loud. And yet I’m spinning in this crazy mystery. Catching clues strategically placed in my path to keep confirming the screams of my heart. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. But have I ever had control? And why’s it so damn important for me to have? Maybe I’m tired of trying to do something that’s truly impossible. Maybe I’m ready to let myself surrender to the free fall I’m so afraid of. The perfect test of my faith is believing where I land is where I’m meant to be. I have so much love inside of me and meant for one purpose. It has the power to heal the deepest wounds. How could anyone lose when surrounded by a love that flows from the heavens, through my soul, and into everything I want to do? And who I choose to give that power to. I pray for answers every day to all these questions I don’t even know who to ask. Yet in my reality, I already know the answers and have my very own personal military entourage. I say I’m tired of waiting and being patient. But I know it all depends on me and my choices up til now and everyone here after. No matter what happens, just know who will always have my heart. So who is really the one gambling now? And will they bet on me? Hmmm….