Be still and listen in the silence

I love the community of bloggers here at WordPress. It never fails that I’ll be touched by a special post at that special moment when I need to hear it the most. Today was rough for me, tired, frustrated, restless, anxious, sad, lonely, afraid, confused…basically overwhelmed by too many emotions hitting all at once. So I did what I’ve always done which is find some drugs to make it stop. I’m an addict. That’s what I do. It’s not that I want to do it anymore. Believe me, I’m too old for this shit anymore. I know it’s killing me. I even found myself crying the whole drive over to where I was going to get what I knew would make me feel better, or not feel anything really. This is what true powerlessness looks like. I know I should’ve just stayed at home and forced myself to take a nap or call a friend in recovery. I mean I could think of a million other things I should’ve done but I did what I’ve always done.

So many things are changing in my life right now. I mean BIG changes and I know it’s all happening to help me become who I’m meant to be. I’m just scared, with a little bit of excitement that’ll creep in here and there. But it’s days like today that set me back hardcore. I get so disappointed in myself that I start to embody that feeling and become it. Today, I am a disappointment. I believe the lie. Because that’s exactly what it is…a big fat freaking lie! I must remember to listen in the silence for my truth.

My heart is His, as it always has been, beating a precious song of love and life. In times like this, when my feelings overwhelm me, I need to remember that I am never alone. He created my soul with its infinite depth because He knows who I am. Even when all I can hear are lies that keep screaming through my head, I must not forget what He tells me in the silence. I am not just loved, but I AM LOVE. He tells me that I am a gift He’s given to this world to show how powerful His love can reach.

When I feel like the world is beating me down, I crave the feeling of being held in someone else’s arms. I yearn for that feeling of safety and comfort. And in those times when I need to fall apart, I should stop searching for someone to hold me together when God just wants me to fall into Him. If I embraced the stillness of His presence, I’d know that He’s been holding me the entire time. He won’t let me fall or ever let me go. I will always and forever be loved by Him. With that truth, I need nothing else.

2 Replies to “Be still and listen in the silence”

  1. As i am all too well aware…. knowing things is not the same as then doing the things you ‘know’. 🙁

    Still knowing things is far better than not knowing those things – even if it might not feel that way at times.

    It is said that Knowledge is Power. That is not quite right – knowledge can give you some power but it requires Faith to Move Mountains, not just knowledge of how it could be done.

    At the moment your addiction seems to have more power – but it is YOU who gives it that power over you. Habit has seen to that, habitual behaviour is always difficult to change, even when we are strong in our belief – it takes time, patience, willpower and repetition, and often the help of others who truly care about you for who they know you are inside, to eventually overcome entrenched habit.

    Jonivator’s comment is the Positive version; Give Up is the negative version.

    But giving up is what Christians would say is required…. giving it all up to God.

    Thinking you can stop feeling by taking that Drive, that you will feel better if you choose to take it upon yourself to ‘fix’ it, just for a little while is not Surrendering.

    Or at least that’s how i see things from waaayyyyy over here! 😉

    If i understand it correctly Jesus gave up his life (and habits!) and was rewarded with Everlasting Life. He did it for us so that we might follow Him, do as Him and ultimately Be with Him. As His Father willed it, so shall it be.

    The choice is ours – do what we’ve done and get what we’ve got… or do it His way and Give it to Him, having the faith He will increase ours to the level we need to to do what He requires of us. In that one thing we should never ‘give up’

    Our greatest strength is to be found through our greatest weakness.

    Remember, it’s a Process! 😉

Enlighten me please