Day 1

Here we go everyone! The process has begun and I’m nearing the end of my first day clean without using any drugs. If I eat some dinner and lay down for bed right after I finish this post, I will have achieved my goal “Just for Today.” I know this is only the beginning of a life-long journey but it’s the first step toward recovery and progress is all that really matters at this point.

I’ve been struggling with addiction for most of my life but didn’t start realizing it was a problem until about a year ago. I’ve been attending meetings for a 12-step program on a regular basis the entire time. However, I was still getting high thinking my use was somehow different than other addicts. My mind can play some seriously wicked games on me to the point that I was able to believe that I was able to use drugs successfully. How completely full of bullshit is that?! Basically I was trying to work an honest program with lies. Well, just so you all know, it’s not freaking possible! I was failing the program and myself and everyone I met through the fellowship in such a massive way. The unnerving part about it was that I thought I had everyone fooled when all I was doing was fooling myself.

Last Friday (the 13th), was the anniversary of my bone marrow transplant that saved my life. Amazingly, I was given 6 months to live 12 years ago. That occasion hit me hard this year. I’m not sure why this year was any different than years before but something in me knew that everything was about to change in my life. If I would’ve known I had 12 years to do something with my life, I probably would’ve done things a whole lot differently. I definitely wouldn’t have wasted over a decade spending time with people that didn’t give a rat’s ass about me but had no problem doing whatever drugs I had. But as soon as the drugs were gone and the money was gone and I refused to pull off some crazy scam or hustle, everyone was gone too.

I am so grateful that I never have to live like that again. Today my life is peaceful and only contains people that genuinely care about me. Through the Fellowship I’ve gained connections with people that want nothing more than to see me succeed no matter how many times I’ve messed up over the course of a year. They just keep welcoming me back like it was nothing. I might have still been using but my life is drastically different just by implementing things I learned from other recovering addicts. I’ve had more alone time this year than I’ve ever had in my whole life! I apparently didn’t realize how desperately I needed the time to myself in order to grow. Somewhere along the way, I lost my entire identity like I’d been stripped of everything that made me who I am. I thank God for the work He’s already done in me and the way He always knows how to guide me in the right direction. Of course, I’m a tad bit rebellious and have a slight stubborn streak so we all know that I wasn’t listening all the time. But today is a new day, a new beginning, a new me. And I can’t wait to meet her.

I invite anyone and everyone who reads this to follow along as I fight to overcome and recover from this fatal disease of addiction. I know this will probably be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I’m activating my faith on a whole new level knowing that’s what it will take to keep my spirits positive through it all. If you know of anyone who’s struggling with addiction as well, please share my blog with them for strength and understanding. I decided to do a daily journal where I was able to share my thoughts, my feelings, my victories, and my failures on my process of recovery in order to do a number of things. First off, I hope I can help someone going through the same struggle and maybe even give them the inspiration to make it Just One More Day clean. Secondly, it keeps me accountable with a promise to always be honest here. So if I miss a day, I expect to catch hell from everyone and if I make mistakes, I vow to be honest if everyone will accept that I’m only human. Lastly, I’ll be using this time for my own self-exploration and discovery because writing has always been a form of therapy and I have a lot of healing to do.

Thanks for all your support and please keep me in your prayers! It’s time to start living the life I was blessed with. All my love! ❤️❤️❤️

9 Replies to “Day 1”

  1. Hi! Thanks for the visit/like. 🙂

    I trust you made it through to the end of the Day?

    Don’t forget – the day starts at sundown and ends at the next one: There was Darkness before the Light. Day 1 began with evening (night) and ended with morning (daylight).

    I’m a Numbers guy at heart – Numbers never lie. We can sometimes get them wrong – the fault lies in us, not the numbers.

    12 is a powerful number, 12 step program, 12 years alive after a 6 month death sentence,12 years = 24 times longer than they told you. 24 is one sign of completion/starting over. 12 : 1+2 = 3 3 x 2 x 2 x 2 = 24 (3 times 3 lots of 2), 6 = 3 x 2 (3 + 3), 6 x 2+2 = 24. 3+3 x 2+2 = 24.

    Overcoming addiction is extremely difficult. Addiction lies in one’s personality/chemical make-up but most people see it as lying in the thing they are addicted to. Many addicts will replace one kind of addiction with another and believe they are ‘better’. Addiction is an attempt to fill a need, something that is lacking in the life of the addict that the addiction ‘fills’ – recognising that there is only one thing we truly have need of as a human is a positive step to overcoming all addictions. Recognising that the one thing we have need of is actually within us all all the time, available to us whenever we stop and let it speak to us in silence is the key to feeling complete.

    However one calls that one thing, God, Fulfillment, Re-connection, Salvation, it all boils down to Love, Nothing but Love (for everything); for The One.
    One.
    Nothing.
    Everything. – 3 in I

    1. Thank you for your insight! I also believe in the importance of numbers but I hadn’t realized how they associated with this for me. I DID make it through the day! I’ve been sleeping all day today. I figure it’s much needed so I’m just going to listen to my body and what it needs right now. Bless you for your continued support on this difficult journey. I greatly appreciate it! ❤️❤️❤️

      1. You are most welcome. Rest and listening to your body are very good ideas. Follow your inner guide and your heart – they will not let you down. 🙂

  2. Nice post dear, I know getting past addiction isn’t easy I hope you make it dear, life is too short to wast it’s time to live it free. ❤️✌️

    BY FOR NOW

    1. I’ve been living by the saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try ‘try again.’” I just keep trying.

  3. So very very proud of you!!!!! But you wrote this on the 16th and it’s now the 24th soooo???? Love you friend 😜😇 we do this together .. 10 days clean and sober how about you?????

    1. Definitely need to work on my consistency with my posting. You’re stronger than me girl! I gotta rewind and restart. I fell into my same old cycle you know well. Damn it! I need you as my go-to girl again or I fear I’ll just keep repeating the same freaking mistake. I know better. Me luv u long time! ❤️❤️❤️

  4. Keep strong my awesome blogger friend! I love your sharing, it totally lifted my spirits as I’m in a funk with my gambling addiction, and trying to find strength any way I can to keep working the steps, attend meetings, and talk to my sponsor. It’s not an easy life for us addicts, but it’s not an impossible one either. Stay strong, sober, and cool, and thanks for the post. God bless!

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