I found that once I gave up on my expectations, that’s when I stopped being disappointed…in people, in events, in myself, in life most generally. I don’t think it made me any happier of a person but it sure cut out a lot of unhappiness. To my surprise, then everything started to “measure up” beyond my understanding. I guess that’s just how God works. Until you truly live in humility without the need for perfection, He will keep His abundance for when you are ready to accept it correctly.
The saying goes, “you always want what you can’t have.” I’m sure I fall into that cliche more than I want to admit. For me, I like a challenge. If someone tells me I can’t get something or do something, I’ll be damned to prove them wrong. That’s probably why I want the unobtainable men and think I can conquer the world when I haven’t even gotten outta bed. It makes no logical sense. I just wish I could keep the people who challenge me in my life. There’s very few people who cross my path that have the intelligence to expand my thinking but I can’t keep them around. Either they are dangerous influences or don’t stick around. Okay, maybe I push them away a bit. Okay, like completely. It all boils down to fear. I’m afraid of the very minds that I want to be around the most. Now, tell me if that ain’t fucked up? So how do I stop pushing people away when they get too close?