No More Excuses

I’m just gonna save us a whole lot of time and just throw it out there. I’m scared, terrified, afraid, paranoid… and ALONE!

I’ve never lived by myself without anybody to come home to. I don’t know how to live alone. I honestly don’t know how to take care of myself. Hell, it’s a miracle that I’ve kept my cat alive for 14 years! I’m basically a 37 year old child and I don’t know what life is supposed to be like. It’s only been a few hours since I finally realized I was home alone and my anxiety is verging on panic now. I don’t feel safe but I don’t know what I’m afraid of. I didn’t even know he had left or that all his things were missing too. How could I not have seen it or noticed anything? It was like some stealth ninja disappearing act! All that’s left are the keys he placed neatly in a spot where I’d be sure to see them.

I should be happy or relieved that he left so peacefully, but I just told him two days ago that he needed to find somewhere else to stay. I never expected him to go so soon. I didn’t even know he was gone! I have no clue where he went or who he went with. I just don’t know what to think or feel right now.

This is what I wanted, right? A sober living environment without the influence of anyone else. It’s all on me now. No one to blame. No more excuses. I have to get clean. It’s time… and I’m so scared! God, please help me! I can’t do this on my own! I gotta go now and jam out to some Christian rock before the silence overwhelms me. Must keep my eyes on the Lord and have faith, have faith, have faith…