Gambling Enigma

What am I getting myself into? I must be completely insane. I don’t want to win. This isn’t a game. I don’t gamble. I just know what my heart has whispered. Now it’s screaming at me. I can’t ignore it now. Not like I ever tried to. So loud. And yet I’m spinning in this crazy mystery. Catching clues strategically placed in my path to keep confirming the screams of my heart. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. But have I ever had control? And why’s it so damn important for me to have? Maybe I’m tired of trying to do something that’s truly impossible. Maybe I’m ready to let myself surrender to the free fall I’m so afraid of. The perfect test of my faith is believing where I land is where I’m meant to be. I have so much love inside of me and meant for one purpose. It has the power to heal the deepest wounds. How could anyone lose when surrounded by a love that flows from the heavens, through my soul, and into everything I want to do? And who I choose to give that power to. I pray for answers every day to all these questions I don’t even know who to ask. Yet in my reality, I already know the answers and have my very own personal military entourage. I say I’m tired of waiting and being patient. But I know it all depends on me and my choices up til now and everyone here after. No matter what happens, just know who will always have my heart. So who is really the one gambling now? And will they bet on me? Hmmm….

Enlighten me please